KARMA

Although Islam views all human dramas as the will of Allah (God), the Koran states that the good or bad fortunes that befall man are the results of God's reactions to man's own actions as shown from part 28 (Surat Al-Qasas), part 3 (Surat Al-Imran), and part 30 (Surat Al-Ruum).^[47][48][49]

(sumber : wikipedia)

__________________________________________________________________________

Assalamualaikum y'all. May Allah bless each of you who read this entry. :)

Karma. In our words, it will goes like, "She used to treat people like that, that's why people treat her that way", "she rejected many people before that's why she doesn't have a boyfriend", "she never lend a help when we need'em, that's why nobody wants to help her", etc etc etc. yeah. typical.

but see, maybe some of us did that for a reason. a reason that somehow he/she couldn't delivered to anybody. a reason that lies beneath the action that we have to dig to actually know the truth. maybe someone will. maybe no one will. C'mon guys, think positive.

okay. let me tell you my pathetic secret. I never give a commitment in a relationship a.k.a I never coupled with anyone a.k.a I never have a companion a.k.a boyfriend. yeah. I know. Pathetic. It's not like no one never like me, or attempt to win my heart. It's just me. I don't feel like I want to have one. I don't want to fools anybody's feeling, not ready, sort of. And when I'm ready, and few attempts has been made, the results is negative.

people kept on saying, it's because of your bad action in your past. that's why you have no boyfriend. All of them end up becoming your friends. nice job. good job. yeah. I know. But for me, I don't think that way. It happens because that someone is not my destiny. If he is mine, Allah will show us the way. seriously. I admit, seeing my friends hiding behind the pillow while talking to the phone, climb the stair like a kingkong just to answer a call, smile widely after the long talk, and keep on telling about their dates over and over again, does make me think. when will I experience all of this? or will I experience all of this? Wau'llahuallam.

Frankly speaking, I don't think that bad stuffs happens because we did the same in the past, no, big no. It's resulting from our behavior. behavior towards the Almighty. How we forget Him when we are happy, how we forget to pray as He told us to, how we didn't miss Him as much as He misses us, how we disappointing the Almighty after all of the fortunes He gives. I felt so small. So sinful. So ungrateful. Forgive me Ya Allah.

We can't shuts people mouth. yeah. but we can ask to Him to open their heart to be a better person in the future and give us enough strength to face His challenge. See, I'm rejecting people for a reason. It's never been an easy decision. Whatever the reason is, only He knows.

Now, I'm hoping. Praying. Wishing. Remembering. Ya Allah, You let me feel the happiness that I never experience before. You gave me guts to let him look me eyes to eyes. You let me appreciate the beauty of Your creation. Ya Allah, I felt so bless. I am deeply ashamed to ask from You, Ya Allah. You gave me a lot, but I kept on forgetting. I'm such an ungrateful servant of Yours. Forgive me. But if he is my destiny, show us the way. Protect him along the way Ya Allah. Let him be my first and my last love. Thank you Ya Allah.