Do you know? #4

Do you that feeling when you when out for a date and your mum are so excited it? Yeah, that i-count-on-you feeling.

The horrible moment is when she waited for you at home, patiently, and she asked you, “how's your date? I really hope that it went well because I've been praying for both of you” when that date actually doesn't turn out well. And there you goes. The guilty feeling is all over you.

And you lost your words when you saw her i'm-hoping-it-went-well face. So, you tell her a white lie by saying, “it went well, mum” and run straight ahead to your room to avoid yourself from telling her another lie. That mixed feeling.

The next day, she will ask you about what did that guy said, how is his reaction to me, what did he do, this and that and all you wanted to say is, “Mum, he still love his ex and we are talking about his ex all along”. But, instead of saying that, you said, “he is just another tipical Malay boy, Mum”. The no-more-question's answer.

So, she put on a sad face and said, “I really hope that there will be a guy that you are going to like. Because I want to see you happy” when actually, I like that boy but he just too stupid to notice that because he is still in the past. That, fucked up feeling.

Then, you go to your room, do some thinking and blaming, why in the world I can't have any relationship with any guy that stop by in my life? You blame yourself so much, think too much, and you soak up in tear until you fall asleep. yeah. That undescrible feeling.

That is, the feeling of... you name it.